Sometimes you just feel guilty even when you really did nothing wrong. I’m not sure – maybe the world’s leading psychologists all know exactly why it happens. Maybe they could look at an MRI of my brain and casually point out the region that lights up when this interesting psychological phenomenon occurs. I don’t know.
I have been dating a girl named for Janelle for a couple years. She and I went to a banquet the other night at BY University where I got an award. Before presenting the award they read a brief introduction that they had crafted out of information gleaned during a “get-to-know-you” interview with one of my previous co-workers. He knew I was dating her. I knew I was dating her. I was pretty darn sure that everyone knew that I was dating her.
They read the bio… where I am from, what I studied, hobbies, etc. I was almost getting bored listening to it all until I heard vice president Sharman say, “Andrew is very, VERY single, so all you young ladies can come and meet him afterwards.”
They say that in moments of intense stress or at times when our external environment changes quickly and drastically, the human brain loses its capacity to properly reconstruct what has been experienced. That said, I remember thinking, “Who did this? Why would they slander me so? I’m sure I told Ed that I am not single – look over there at my table. You can tell I’m not single because I was tickling the back of the beautiful girl sitting beside me all during dinner. C’mon, I know someone noticed that.” At least that is as much of my thoughts as I can reconstruct. I probably just stood there, smiling despite the confusion.
V.P. Sharman continued laughingly, “Did you ask someone to say that?” I clearly remember shaking my head “no.” I was probably laughing too because, hey, maybe this was a joke that was about to be corrected. Unfortunately for me, it was not. I was ushered on to shake hands and get a photo taken.
First handshake was Mike, the new director of my old office. “I threw that one in there special just for you,” he stated, obviously proud of himself. I smiled and didn’t know how to respond. Maybe I made something up. I realized, however, that one person at the office obviously didn’t know me as well as he thought he did.
And now the phenomenon: guilt for something I had nothing to do with.
Should I have immediately seized control of the podium to correct the error? Should I have loudly proclaimed my undying love to the hundreds of collared guests as they ate their fancy peach sorbet? Perhaps a retraction in the following day’s Daily Universe would have been in order. But I did none of these. I explained to Janelle the situation as I sat back at our table and waited for her to gain confidence that I am not asking my former boss to hook me up with some secret girlfriend. She forgave me and we kept eating our fancy peach sorbet.
I haven’t talked to Mike since and don’t plan on talking to him ever again (I tend to avoid conflict). Janelle still teases me.
8 years ago
2 Comments:
as you are having a hard time reconstructing i figured i'd help you out, what actually happened after the "very single debacle". you enjoyed the reast of your peach sorbet, left quietly and retired for the evening. Promptly the next morning you made your way to Mikes office punched him squarely in the nose and said "i threw that one in, special, just for you" and walked out. NOW you're aren't speaking to him anymore.
You know what Renee, you're probably right. The problem is that I am suffering from this mighty amnesia that blocks so much of what has happened. I appreciate your help in reconstructing my past.
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